Really? Oprah?

I have never been a fan of Oprah Winfrey. She's annoyed me...a lot. But occasionally, I'll see a commercial for an upcoming episode with an interesting topic, and I'll TiVo it.

Today was one of those topics.

I had seen the commercial last night that today's episod was going to be "the biggest weight loss episode EVER!!", so I thought "Meh, I'll DVR it - it should be interesting".

I just finished watching it - it was awesome. Kind of a retrospective, but some really good stories - including a 9 year old girl who has lost 50lbs, who reminded me so much of myself as a little girl. A woman who has lost almost 400lbs, and 100 audience members who each lost over 100lbs. Amazing.

Now, other than the off chance that I liked an Oprah episode, today was also a big eye opener in another way.

I live in NW Indiana, about 5-10 miles from Lake Michigan. Our weather changes as often as most people change their underwear. Monday morning, I woke up freezing...today it was 93. Insanity.

Because it was so hot today, it was also humid (thank you, Lake Michigan). I retain water like no other in the humidity. Today was the worst of the worst. Thank God I had taken my wedding ring and engagement ring off before bed on Monday night - if I had left them on today, the would have cut the circulation off my ring finger...I'm sure of it. My feet looked like cartoon feet - huge oval blobs with smaller blobs for toes. My ankles disappeared, and my kness feel like I'm 70 - not 32.

I didn't start retaining water until I became hypertensive. I'm hypertensive because of my weight.

I am in pain constantly...my legs, hips, and especially knees aren't going to be able to take much more. If my bones and ankles hurt this bad - I can't even IMAGINE what must be happening to my organs. If that isn't a good enough reason to get this damn weight off...then I don't know what is.

More changes...

My husband and I have decided to separate for a while. I am going to go live with my parents and focus on myself.

We are not divorcing, and we plan on seeing each other. But living together is not in our best interests right now. We both have a lot of things to work out before we can be together again.

Thank you all for understanding if it is a few days before I update again.

Life Changes

So it has been a while since I posted.

I am not going to be going back to school right now for nursing. Although I was accepted, and even met with my advisor, I have a balance at the school, and once that is paid off, then I can go there. I am checking in to some online courses at a different school for health care administration, so at the very least I will have a Bachelor's degree. Not having a degree is not helping my job search.

I am still not employed full time. I do have an interview on Tuesday for a receptionist position, and I am now selling Avon. (If you interested in buying Avon products from me - contact me at kpolster1@gmail.com. I do have an online store if you are not local to me but still want to purchase products.)

The house we live in is being torn down. We got the official letter on April 19. We have to be out by noon on June 1st. We have applied for temporary housing with the county, and we have a sort-of lead on a place where we may be able to work out some work-for-rent type situation. Right now, we have to be out in 30 days - and have nowhere to go.

In the midst of all of this, I have abandoned my weight loss efforts. I am going back to counting calories on MyFitnessPal.com (my user name is kpolster79 if you want to friend me there), but until my life is a tad more stable (i.e. I have a job and am not on the verge of being homeless), I will not be making a completely conscious effort to lose weight.

I want to thank everyone who reads this blog for being patient with my sporadic updates. I hope my next update is a much happier one.

An AMAZING day!

Today was the big inspection day. I got up early, and cleaned my butt off until about an hour before the inspector got here. He was here about 30 seconds, but it's nice to have a clean house again.

Now, on to the awesome news

1. I got accepted for re-entry into the local community college...I start on my Associate's degree in Nursing on June 6.

2. I have an interview on Tuesday for a billing company in New Lenox, IL. I spoke with the owner of the company today, and she wants to meet me. It's a bit of a drive (slightly over an hour), but if the money is right, it's worth it.

3. The house we live in is not going to be torn down. Actually, the opposite is happening. They are remodeling both apartments, starting with downstairs. When that one is done, we will move downstairs, and they will remodel up here. The office for the storage facility (which is in the downstairs unit right now) is being relocated to a new building that they broke ground on today.

3 awesome things in one day.

Breakfast

None

Lunch

Turkey sandwich on wheat w/dijon mustard

2 mini cupcakes

12 oz Coke Zero

Dinner

Personal sized pizza w/mushrooms & onion

6 potato wedges

12 oz Coke Zero

Late Snack

2 mini cupcakes

I earned almost 300 cals cleaning, and I'm going to bed with 939 cal left. I know it's kind of a lot, but I don't feel like eating more. It was a good day overall, and I am very, very happy.

Perhaps TMI for some *you've been warned*

Today was a long day.

We're trying to get some assistance with our rent, since my husband and I are both unemployed. Yesterday, we went to the township trustee's office. What a nightmare. It must be some sort of rule that you have to be rude, insensitive, and have a superiority complex to work for a government organization. The woman who did our intake interview was just unnecessarily mean.

Anyhow, in order to get the assistance, we have to have an inspector come to our house. So I have been cleaning a good part of today. Plus I went and did laundry, and I babysat. Which is a lot of stuff in and of itself for me...but on top of it, I got my period.

I have Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS), due to my weight and insulin resistance. Because of the PCOS, my periods are irregular (although the last 3 months, it's been pretty consistent). Sometimes it's 28 days between them, sometimes it can be up to 45 days between them. At any rate, when it comes, it wipes me out. I get nasty cramps, bloating, fatigue, and it's really heavy. It sucks.

So to make long story short - it's 10:30pm and I haven't eaten dinner, and I'm not sure if I want to. But I have meds to take, so I NEED to. Dinner on today's menu is what I'm planning on eating after I finish posting so I can take my meds and go to bed.

Breakfast

Turkey Bacon, Egg, & Cheese on a bagel
1c Hash browns
16 oz Orange juice

Lunch

8 chicken nuggets
25 French fries
12 oz Diet Pepsi

Dinner

Turkey sandwich on wheat with 1/2 Tbsp light mayo & 1 tsp dijon mustard
1c grapes
1 mini vanilla cupcake
20oz Diet Mountain Dew

At the end of the day, I went over by 68 cal...but I did do some walking around/activity while I was with the kids, and of course while cleaning. I probably didn't give myself enough credit for that while logging exercise, but it's ok.

Why do I do this?

If I had the answer to that question, I wouldn't be almost 200lbs overweight.

I binged today. Badly. To the point that I am not comfortable giving the details. I'm sure there will be a few people who call me out on it, but oh well. I will just say it was ugly, and although I wound up only being 183 calories over for the day - I still feel like I should be in a pasture somewhere saying "Moo".

I have decided that wen I get a job (hopefully soon), I am going to buy a set of pedals that go on the floor for when I watch TV. They're only like $20, but with our financial issues at present, they might as well be $1,000. Right now I can only walk for a few minutes at a time before my knees and back hurt - which is both sad and embarrassing.

I think I will be adding a few tickers to my blog - my pounds lost from MFP, days binge free, and days at or below my calorie allowance. Sometimes seeing my goals as I achieve them motivates me even more.

It's Biggest Loser time, and although my favorite (Courtney) is gone, the show is still really motivational. Hope you all had a good Tuesday. Tomorrow is a new day. :)

I was a slacker yesterday.

So here is my menu:

Breakfast

None

Lunch

1 1/2 c goulash
12 oz Diet Ginger Ale
1 90 Cal Fit & Active Honey Nut Granola Bar

Afternoon Snack

Lemon

Dinner

2 Egg & Cheese Sandwiches (Honey Wheat english muffin, 1/2 c egg substitute, 3 slices American cheese)
12 oz Diet Ginger Ale

Late Night Snack

Hamburger
French fries (baked at home)
12 oz Coke

I went to bed with 341 cals left for the day.

I think this is manageable....

So, I had a pretty good day. I'm burnt to a crisp...but otherwise good. :) The hubby and I just had a conversation. He wants to lose weight, too. Today, he tried on a pair of jeans - and they were too small. He wants to lose weight. I told him I would help him. And I did. At dinner, I made him the EXACT same plate as me. Normally, he would complain. "It's not enough food", "I'm still hungry"...etc., etc. I didn't tell him what I did - I just brought him a plate. We ate, and he said "Wow, I'm full. Thanks honey." That's when I told him I measured out his plate. He was shocked - but it kind of mad him see that measuring out things and watching portions isn't as hard as I sometimes make it out to be. Oh - and that it IS enough food. I told him I am more than willing to make him the same thing I eat at every meal. No problem. But I cannot and will not babysit his snacking. I told him he has to log his own calories, and watch his own snacks. He seems open to it, and hopefully he will stick to it. I need the accountability. Speaking of...here's what I ate today.
Breakfast

None

Lunch

1c goulash (ground beef, pasta, sauce) w/1 Tbsp shredded parmesan cheese
2c salad w/2 Tbsp light italian dressing & 1 Tbsp shredded parmesan cheese
12oz Pepsi

Afternoon Snack

1c goulash
1 wheat English muffin w/2 tsp margarine & a sprinkle of garlic powder
12oz Pepsi

Dinner

8oz Shake N Bake Pork Chop
1c Cheesy Bacon Potatoes
1c green beans w/ 1/2 tsp margarine
24oz Crystal Light Lemonade

Evening Snack (and birthday treat)

DQ Buster Bar (yum!)

I ended the day with 206 cals left over. I think I did pretty well. :) I have a job interview tomorrow morning at 9:30, so I need to be up at 7 to get ready. Goodnight.

Happy Birthday to Me

One of my all-time favorite celebrities, RuPaul has a saying: "If you can't love yourself, how in the hell are you gonna love somebody else?"

Sometimes the best advice DOES come from a drag queen.

I am 32 years old today. Today is the day I really make an effort to get my shit together.

I applied to a few schools last week for nursing. I am having issues getting transcripts from my previous school where I got my Medical Assisting certificate in 2002. They say I owe them money. I beg to differ. When I got the news, I was pretty upset about the possibility of this stopping my plans of going back to school. I've had a few days to think about it, and I am not going to let this stop me. There is no reason that it should. I will go up to that school and raise hell in the registrar's office, if need be.

Now, I know this blog is primarily supposed to be about my weight loss journey. And I am getting to that.

Since I have been unemployed (about 2 months now), I have gained close to 20lbs. Most of this is water from either not having my meds to take, or just not taking them. Yes, I know this is bad...I'm sure my BP is up from me swelling like a balloon.

So here is what I am going to be doing:

1. Starting tomorrow, I will be taking all the meds I have that I am supposed to be taking. And I'm adding in an OTC water pill, cause I'm sure ALOT of this weight is water.

2. I am going to log every single bite of food and every single drop I drink.

3. I am going to try to move more.

#3 may be the hardest thing for me to do. I'm 330.4lbs right now. It hurts to get up out of a chair or out of bed. I have 20 stairs to get up into my apartment. Yesterday, during our garage sale, I limited my liquid intake cause it hurt too much to get up and down the stairs. I am now one of those women I used to see at Walmart and think "At least I'm not THAT big". Well, I am now.

I will also be posting current pictures for "before" pics, and posting my menus daily, both here and on myfitnesspal.com.

So, happy birthday to me - this year, I'm giving myself my life back so maybe I can finally love myself enough to love others like I know I should.

Failure....again

So, I only lasted a week on Jenny Craig...during that week I was on it, my husband and I both lost our jobs...and doing Jenny Craig while unemployed is impossible. I was told by my consultant that I'm on my own, and when I get money, I can come back. Nice, huh? I understand where it's coming from - they are a business, after all...but it made me feel like an unemployed loser.

One good thing that did come from it is that I had signed up for the Metabolic Max program, which came with a Body Media band (like a Bodybugg - what they wear on Biggest Loser), and a six month subscription to the Body Media site.

I wish I coud say I've been using it, but I haven't. My depression has gotten hold of me and the inability to get my water pills has left me 15lbs heavier than I was when I started JC.

I'm not sure what I am going to do, but I know it won't happen until I am ready for it to happen.

Here We Go Again...

Yesterday, I signed up for Jenny Craig. Again. Last time I tried was Fall 2009, and I had to stop due to costs. My husband and I are in a better place financially, so I decided to give it a go again.

I'm doing the Metabolic Max program, which includes not only eating the Jenny food, but also a Body Bugg-type arm band, like they wear on the Biggest Loser. I didn't get my armband yesterday (they have to order them), but I did get the food, and I started eating it today.

This is what my menu today was:

Breakfast
Jenny Frosted Oats cereal
1c Skim Milk
1 banana
2 oz Low Fat Cheese

Snack
6 oz non fat yogurt
1/2 c strawberries
1/2 c blueberries

Lunch
Jenny Turkey Burger
BBQ Sauce
1 c Salad w/6 grape tomatoes
2 Tbsp Light Italian Dressing

Snack
2 cups Strawberries
6 oz non fat yogurt

Dinner
Jenny Chicken Fajitas
1c grape tomatoes

Snack
Jenny S'mores Bar

I was actually supposed to eat 1 1/2 more cups of veggies, but I just couldn't. I was stuffed. And all the Jenny food I had was pretty good.

I'm on a 1700 (or so) calorie diet, and I take a multivitamin of my own, instead of the Jenny vitamins or Anytime bars.

I'm hoping for good results on this, and will keep this blog updated. :)